Condor Ferries – Letter 2

Dear the Condor Ferries,

May I apologise most deeply and sincerely for what is about to follow. Although I may be a man with a righteous and genuine grievance, I am also British and therefore find these peculiar times that I must issue jeremiads tedious and wholly uncouth. Continue reading

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Condor Ferries Letter

Dear the Condor Ferries,

 

I am a great admirer of your services, and have had some fantastic times aboard your flotilla over the years. Who can forget the time we sailed through the Battle of Trafalgar? I still have the shrapnel scars as a keepsake. I think my all time favourite was the Battle of Jutland, sadly my car went overboard that day, but the travel insurance covered it. Shame about the bridge taking a shell and the captain buying it, but that’s the risk you take on these sea battle tours. But brilliant memories aside, I am writing to have a bit of a moan I’m afraid.

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Tango

Dear The Tango,

How are you guys? I haven’t seen you or your drink for what feels like an eternity.  My local supermarket is bereft of your fizzy good and I don’t think I’ve seen any of your adverts on the telly since they all got banned. Despite this I have found myself in a situation where I need to complain about your company. Continue reading

Smirnoff

Dear The Smirnoff,

First off, love your booze. Nothing’s better for relaxing after a hard day grafting then getting in from work at the calendar factory, grabbing your world famous vodka from the cupboard and washing the ink and grime off my poor hands. It’s far better than soap and water for the job; I’ve even used it to clean my kitchen floor and fridge. Continue reading