Innocent

Dear The Innocent,

Why hello there, how are you guys doing? All good? Lovely.

Not that I can actually tell what you said, or even why you just spoke out loud to a piece of paper, you weirdo. But I shall assume you’re all good. And if not, chin up. Continue reading

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Red Bull

Dear the Red Bull,

I have been a long time user of your drink and I’d like to start by letting you know I admire it greatly. I find the aggressively powerful energy in Red Bull helpful when I’m working on something tedious for a long stretch of time. I also enjoy your sideline in conceptual sports. How you manage to rally together reckless people with dubious personal safety and get them to do dangerous things is frankly awe-inspiring.
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Whiskas

Dear Whiskas,

You claim that your food is filled with essential nutrients to help kittens grow big and strong. You have no idea how right you are. To be honest I think that you are selling yourselves short and should really blow your own trumpet about how big and strong a kitten will become if their diet consists exclusively of Whiskas Kitten food. Continue reading