Dear The Innocent,

Why hello there, how are you guys doing? All good? Lovely.

Not that I can actually tell what you said, or even why you just spoke out loud to a piece of paper, you weirdo. But I shall assume you’re all good. And if not, chin up. Continue reading


Red Bull

Dear the Red Bull,

I have been a long time user of your drink and I’d like to start by letting you know I admire it greatly. I find the aggressively powerful energy in Red Bull helpful when I’m working on something tedious for a long stretch of time. I also enjoy your sideline in conceptual sports. How you manage to rally together reckless people with dubious personal safety and get them to do dangerous things is frankly awe-inspiring.
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Dear Whiskas,

You claim that your food is filled with essential nutrients to help kittens grow big and strong. You have no idea how right you are. To be honest I think that you are selling yourselves short and should really blow your own trumpet about how big and strong a kitten will become if their diet consists exclusively of Whiskas Kitten food. Continue reading